Bennett Dungan / Internet Person

The Dots Go Backwards

by Bennett Dungan

I started listening to Dave Grohl's new book, The Storyteller, a few days ago on audiobook. I've always connected a ton with Dave after watching interviews and having Foo Fighter tunes ingrained into my head from an early age. In one of the first few chapters he talked about how he came to love music and his journey on becoming a musician. He believes that there's this unexplainable force behind our intentions and desires where if they're strong enough, the universe responds to you with those exact visions. I've never really believed much of anything regarding forces that science can't explain, but in a similar vein I've had some pretty farfetched desires that got answered in a similar way as Dave describes. Though when hearing those words, I felt guilt because right now I just feel like I have no strong desires for anything in particular. Im not actively working on something fantastical and its been bumming me out that I can’t figure out what the next chapter of Bennett is supposed to be.

I wanted to clear me head today so I went on a hike and during my trek through the woods I thought, “what if not having any direction is a part of the process of getting to the next big chapter?”. Thinking about it some, I’ve done a lot of experimenting with other things in the past year just out of mild curiosity and boredom. I’ve been plucking my guitar a lot more, started coding and designing a video game, played around with pixel art which led to dip pen drawing, experimented with horror & surrealist art, joined my first DnD campaign and started a nice little comic collection. I haven’t continued a couple of these little explorations but that’s not to say they didn't bleed into something else. None of these are true passions of mine but I feel like these little deviations are all leading somewhere, Im just not sure where.

I’ve never forced myself into having a goal previously, they’ve come naturally out of life’s circumstances and what I hold important at that particular point in time. Im just realizing that the time in between these moments are just as important because I’m unintentionally expanding my horizons in areas I hadn’t previously explored. I decided today while walking in the woods that I wont give myself a hard time any longer for not having a grandiose goal, that this wandering I'm doing is a part of the journey and it'll all eventually make sense.

While writing this, I remembered this quote from Steve Jobs:

You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future.

Reading this quote today and connecting my own dots, it all makes a lot more sense.